Why I love working with anger.

I’m gonna jump right in because I’ve never really liked small talk. In fact, I always feel super awkward and a little twitchy when it comes to small talk. I so much prefer to deep dive into what is real. You with me?

Today I want to talk about women & anger. Now might be a good time for coffee or whatever it is that supports you to arrive fully so you can digest this message.

You are not above anger. Anger doesn’t make you a bad person. Anger doesn’t make you less worthy of love. And please for the love of all things holy, anger does not make you less spiritual. ⁣

I tell every woman I work with that her anger, irritability and frustration are not the problems. As women it’s our relationship to anger that often needs attention. There’s a deep wounding in us surrounding anger. We’re taught to fear our own anger at all costs. If we get mad it’s called madness. It’s how we are made to believe that our anger makes us crazy. ⁣

I learned to suppress, swallow and hide my anger at all costs. Anger turned inward can look like anxiety, depression, heaviness, tension, control, perfectionism and criticism. It’s the swallowing and holding onto anger that causes so much tension.⁣ It’s the judgement of it that creates so much shame.

Here’s what I know about anger….

↣ Anger let’s us know when our needs aren’t being met. ⁣

↣ Anger is how our body says enough, I’m done, I can’t do this.

↣ Anger is a signal when our boundaries have been crossed. ⁣

↣ Anger alerts us when nourishment is needed. ⁣Ya know, hangry for rest, space, love, attention, and our own care.

↣ Anger protects us from feeling the pain of sadness, loss and trauma. ⁣

↣ Anger is a catalyst for growth and change. It literally riles us up and gets us moving.

I repeat, anger is not the problem. It’s what we do with it that makes all the difference.

I’m angry for the ways little girls are conditioned to be ‘good’ instead of to be real. I’m angry for all the ways women have been made to believe they are not worthy of love and acceptance just as they are. I’m angry that our culture doesn’t value mothers. I’m angry that systems of oppression like systemic racism exist. I’m angry for all the ways human lives are hurt, harmed and killed in our culture simply because they belong to a certain group.

I’m angry and I make no apologies for this. I choose to channel my anger into my work helping women free their inner ‘good girl’ from perfectionism, pleasing and pretending so they can share their voices and their gifts with the world.

Can you give yourself permission to scream? I know that at first it sounds scary. I suggest grabbing a pillow to start, that’s what I did. The first time I tried a primal scream, the teeniest, tiniest squeak came out. My body was so scared to release this way. So as always, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

I’ve found that the more we allow safe spaces to express our emotions, the less they spill out on those we love and the less they cause tension inside our bodies.

You got this!